The 5th of November is here again, and once again I’m wondering why any idiot can buy a lethal weapon from a supermarket and let it off practically in my backyard.
Guy Fawkes is one of those English ‘celebrations’ I find it difficult to get my head around. I mean, I understand it’s a celebration of the foiling of a plot to blow up parliament, but two things spring to mind. One, celebrating a bomb plot with lots of explosions is a bit like having a commemorative swimming pool for a Prime Minister who drowned, and two, haven’t people been wishing ever since that someone would actually blow up parliament??
This year I’m going to try to get it. All five of us are going to the Brockham Bonfire but having looked at the Brockham Bonfire website I am filled with trepidation. According to the website, the bonfire is ‘busy, safe, noisy and fun.’ Now I’m sorry, but busy doesn’t belong in the same sentance as safe; similarly noisy has no business being anywhere near fun when you have a 3-year-old in the equation. The website also orders me to ‘Be very generous with your donations.’ That’s a statement. I’m told where I am allowed to spend my money too.
This piece of advice really takes the cake though. Definition of fun in one easy sentence – NOT!
- Remember where you parked, and do not rush to leave the Village immediately after the fireworks, it is VERY busy and you may experience some delays in the car parks, especially if it is wet.
Also from the website:
‘About 30 minutes after the bonfire is lit (very noisy) the firework display will begin (very noisy). Full audience participation is expected. Oohs and ahhs are again compulsory. The firing and throwing of your own fireworks is strictly prohibited and will be dealt with firmly by the Stewards’
Cheering and clapping are compulsory. How am I going to cheer and clap while holding my hands over the ears of my 3 year old? Will I be dealt with firmly by the Stewards? If so I hope they’re cute.
There’s a perfectly decent fireworks display at Woking Park that I can see from my backyard. Please can I try to understand Guy Fawkes from the confort of my own home? No? Never mind, maybe I’ll get a marriage proposal at the Pig Roast, apparently its tradition…