Today is the first day of the second half of the year. A friend of mine posted about trying a blogging marathon, 31 posts in 31 days, and I think I will give it a try. Hang on. Rewind. In the words of the immortal Yoda, there is no try, only do, so I’m doing it. I’m thinking of a loose theme for this month, a sort of diary to monitor my mood. Money matters have taken a dive and concern about money is the main trigger for my depression. I’m hoping diarising things will help..
I got paid £341 for last month’s work yesterday. It happened because I was overpaid the month before and the council just took it all back in one hit, so with no warning I’m £500 short this month and it’s not like I have a huge saftey margin to start with.
My ex’s last day of work is today. He hasn’t been paid for this month yet and he doesn’t know when he’s going to be paid. This means my rent will be late.
My current partner is working full time but the company he’s contracting for mucked up his pay, so they owe him more than £2000 and we’re not going to see it until the end of July.
I can’t pay my council tax or my rent.
I have decided to do full time supply teaching starting in September. It’s a good rate of pay and I don’t have to attend meetings, do marking etc. Any dreams of starting my own business are on indefinite hold. I’ll be happy if I can pay my childminder, do the shopping and put fuel in the car.
A collegue of mine at work was involved in an accident on the M25 yesterday. When I found out my first thought was “oh, no I hope she’s okay.” The second thought was “why couldn’t it have been me?” I have frequent thoughts of hurting myself. I don’t like to say it, but it’s true. I think maybe if I can just put one foot in front of the other things have to get better. Don’t they?