Mother, Speaker, Singer, Toastmaster

Divine Passion

Vanessa King — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 02:08:43 +0000

My last two posts were about the necessity of change and understanding that we are always supplied with our everyday needs, so there’s no need to fear change. Where might embracing change in the comfort of infinite supply take me?

Here’s a thought; if you accept change as part of the order of the universe and you do it safe in the knowledge that your needs will be taken care of, you are free to follow your passion. You’re free to follow your heart’s true desires.

I have thought that it’s a scary thing to do. If I were to be completely honest with myself and ask myself what my heart’s true desire is, I might open myself up to disappointment (that old chestnut!). If I articulate the things I really want I might sound selfish, childish or naïve. I’m held back by my fear of what other people might think of me. Truly though, who cares what other people think about my real passions. I acknowledge that feeling and allow it to exist. Now I’m free to manifest my passion.

What if I ask myself what my heart’s true desire is and there’s nothing there? Could I really have buried myself for so long beneath what other people want that I’ve lost what I care about? Maybe it’s time to stop asking unanswerable questions and just get on with it. After all, my own dreams are just as deserving of the love and attention I give to everyone and everything I love.

I give myself permission to dream, permission to go for it. Change is a fire that purifies, refines, and releases us from the old to make way for the new. I want to embrace the fire; I want to be charged up with excitement and motivation. I want to feel everything on a deeper level and be unafraid of taking the actions that will manifest my heart’s true desire.

Infinite Supply

Vanessa King — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:00:58 +0000

Yesterday I was banging on about the fear and necessity of change. If I could distil the fear into one word, it would probably be Lack. We fear losing what we have. It’s hard to imagine that change could bring abundance because that means taking a risk, the risk of changing our mind-set. I think this change is probably the hardest one to undertake because we fear Lack. A lack of respect because maybe we have to admit our thinking was wrong. The self-critic in all of us awakens and says “you’re mind-set sucks, see you know it does because you think you have to change it!” And we (well, I) think I’m rubbish as a result. However, while I don’t think we can ever truly silence the self-critic in all of us, we can temper its strident shriek to a whisper by reframing the change. It need not be about what your mind-set lacks but more about what further abundance you could bring into your life by changing it. It’s not about improving it, just seeing things from a different perspective.

Allow me to share with you my perspective, as it has been until quite recently. It could be distilled into one word. Lack. And I beat myself up about that because I know that compared to 1 billion other people I’m incredibly wealthy. I have a full cupboard. I have running water and sanitation. My children are happy and well-educated. We all have decent clothes to wear and we don’t live in a country tearing itself apart through war or oppression. All that doesn’t stop me from feeling my life is less than abundant when my son complains about his sister’s snoring because they have to share a room, or my daughter hasn’t got anywhere to hang her clothes, nor a desk to study at because her room is so tiny they wouldn’t fit. This is how I feel right now, and this, dear reader, is where I want to spend more time:

Don’t worry about the future. Know that you’ll always have enough to eat and that your needs will be provided for. You are supplied for today and all of your tomorrows.

I can do this by focussing on the positive and not allowing myself to think negative thoughts, which brings me back to my theme for February. Be Strong. I am stronger than I think I am (and so are you) and my strength (and yours) assures a happy outcome.

Wow, that’s turning into a rather unexpected mantra. Who knew I was such a hippy at heart *lol*

Peace, man

Ch-Ch-Changes!

Vanessa King — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 10:03:09 +0000

Here’s a little contradiction for you. Of all organisms on the planet, it could be argued that humans are the most adaptable, yet we avoid adapting wherever possible. We don’t really like change at all. You know it’s true. Your favourite brand of washing powder is no longer produced and you stress about finding one that was just like it. You don’t rejoice in the opportunity to find one that’s even better. Thinking bigger than the laundry, anyone looking at Greece or Syria or Somalia or the US could tell you that our current economic and political systems don’t work. They really don’t. No-one could say the system works when 5% of the people hold 80% of the wealth and children are killed because their parents want a better life for them. The outcry is deafening from so many quarters. All you have to do is look at the headlines on the BBC News website. We want change in Syria, change in football, change in the NHS, change everything!

There’s a big problem though. Change is hard. It’s hard because although the status quo is treacherous and unfair, change is the deepest unknown. Yes, it’s rubbish the way it is now, but if we change things too much it might get worse. That other brand of washing powder might irritate my skin, it might not smell as nice as the old one, so we lock ourselves into the present out of fear.

Change seems chaotic and out of our control, but it really only seems that way. As one wave crashes onto the shore and moves a grain of sand, another will follow and move that grain again. It really is a beautiful thing. If we wanted the grain of sand to stay in one place we would be creating stress and unhappiness for ourselves because it’s impossible to do. If we embrace the new place that grain of sand finds itself in as simply part of the order of the universe, we will see the change as evidence that we are alive and ever-growing.

If you are experiencing loss or change that seems overwhelming, maybe these thoughts will help:

Your current changes are for the best.

What appears to be loss is really the start of a happy new phase.

The old must be released so the new can enter.

And So It Begins….

Vanessa King — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 22:54:11 +0000

My theme for the month of February is Be Strong. Strong in the sense of not thinkging negative thoughts and not underestimating myself. I registered for the Swimathon and am still a bit surprised at myself. Today I recorded a video for my fundraiser page, tweeted and facebooked about it then went off to the pool for my first proper training session. I walked 3.5km (yes, I got my heart rate up to 150ish for 20 minutes, proper cardio workout!), did some light weights and swam 1000m. I did the 1000m in 30 minutes so I’ve got a fair way to go to knock that time down to less than 1.5 hours. Quite a long way actually, but I think I can do it. It’s funny, two weeks ago I posted on Facebook about hating the gym, it was a *very* bad day. Today I still don’t like the gym much but having a goal made it a lot easier to do. I like swimming though, that’s great, no skinny women with tidy, unjiggly bottoms to make me feel bad about myself *lol*

If nothing else I should achieve my New Year’s goal for my body by the end of April of losing 20kg. I probably realistically only need to lose about 13-15kg, I weigh 80kg now and 65-67kg is healthy for my height. I feel really great about being on track for that now.

I saw a quote today from a writer called Bob Burg. He said “acknowledge the problem but live in the solution” and it occurred to me that I have spent a lot of time acknowledging the problem. So long in fact that the problem is all I’ve been able to see. If I can spend less time acknowledging the problem and more time living in the solution the problem will never get so big that it’s all I can see. Now the problems are still there, but living in the solutions seems a much better way to spend my time. They even make the gym seem fun!

A New Challenge..

Vanessa King — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 19:24:51 +0000

If you’re open to them, new challenges make themselves known in the strangest of circumstances. Here was I, doing the mum thing and picking up Master 7 from a birthday party at the local pool. A banner for a Swimathon Weekend caught my eye and the next thing I know, I’m on the computer registering for a swim. Not just a couple of lengths either. Why choose a team swim or a 2.5km swim when I could go for a 5km swim?!

I thought this year would be different, I love swimming, I need to get fitter, what better way than by raising money for Marie Curie Cancer Care. I would really appreciate it if you would consider sponsoring me, I’m aiming for £500. In any case, please visit my page and leave a comment, I could do with all the encouragement I can get!

Anyone for cards?

Vanessa King — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:22:46 +0000

Those who know me well might be a bit surprised by what I’m going to say next.

I bought some oracle cards. And I’ve used them. I’m getting the feeling that most of my readers are thinking ‘what the hell are oracle cards??’ Oracle cards are, as far as I can gather, a bit like tarot cards except without the scary bits in them. Apparently die-hard tarot users think they’re a bit woosy, but I don’t really care what people think about them, I’ve found them to be amazingly helpful. I don’t believe they have any intrinsic power, don’t worry I haven’t completely lost my mind, but I do find that if I focus on a question or feeling that I’m not sure about, I shuffle the cards for as long as feels right, I pick one off the top and something comes to mind that I find valuable.

See, I told you I wasn’t kidding about trying to change the way I think about things. I’ve got no idea whether there’s any validity about it, again I don’t really care. Reading the cards has prompted me to think about things in a different way, and given my goal for the year I think that’s what really counts.

The first reading I did was a series of twelve cards, one for each month of the year. The cards have given me a theme for each month that so far I have found very powerful and I’d like to share with you the themes for January and February. During the course of the year I’ll share the other themes as and when feels right.

January’s theme was Quiet Time. I found myself seeking peaceful experiences whenever possible. I avoided watching much telly, I tried to only do things that I wanted to do, I made an appointment for a few hours’ spa time (next weekend, woo hoo!) and generally tried to put my peace of mind first. This didn’t mean I eschewed housework and other jobs altogether, but I approached them in a different frame of mind. Doing them when the mood was right rather than doing them when I felt they had to be done gave me a lightness of feeling I hadn’t realised I could have. I got through three weeks of the month feeling really empowered, in control and positive about what was happening on a daily basis, including when I was horribly sick and did that speech to the RNLI ladies.

However, that peaceful feeling evaporated when I felt I was made to do something I really didn’t want to do. I felt stressed and unhappy for about a week until I realised why I was feeling so uptight. I don’t really want to go into the reasons for the feelings, but I did something out of obligation instead of standing firm and once I realised that the stress melted away as quickly as it had come. That was the last week in January which brings me to February’s theme.

In February my theme is Be Strong. My first thought on this was kia kaha, being strong like a kauri tree, unbending, reliable, making it through any adversity. The card meant a lot more than that though…

Being strong means seeing myself in the most favourable light possible. It means the embodiment of strength, rising above victimhood. Being strong means not blaming anyone or thinking negative thoughts. It means not underestimating myself.

All of these things are a real challenge for me. I will look in the mirror and only see bad things. People will compliment me and my first thought is that they are just being nice. My default position is that life just happens to me, the only thing I can control is my reaction to it and even that’s debateable. That’s honestly how I feel when I’m in the middle of a bad depressive episode.

It’s crap and I want to change it.

Seeing myself as I honestly am, in the most favourable light possible, the embodiment of strength and in total control of my life, these are the changes I’m making in my life.

So there.

The cards I bought are Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards and you can find out more about kauri trees here. Oh, and this is what kia kaha is all about too.

Affirmations Shmaffirmations…

Vanessa King — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 03:20:56 +0000

I’m really proud of the speech I did for the RNLI. I was so sick. I mean, *really* sick. I dragged myself out of bed, threw a bowl and towel in the car in case I vomited again and went to the gig. I’m told that shows great strength of character. I don’t know whether it was all that, I was just determined not to let those people down. I hope being there was less of a let-down than me not being there, mind you! I talked about participating in the BBC 100 Lives project and how meeting other participants made me aware of my ‘I’m just’ self-talk. I talked a little about how difficult last year was but how I’d grown a lot. My speech was essentially my journey from ‘I’m Just’ to ‘I Am’ over the bridge of ‘Say Yes.’ Even though I felt dreadful, I just kept thinking hat one of my goals is to get a paid speaking gig and this could be the way I get it so I just have to keep going. I was sick the next day too, but I felt so great that I’d done it. Bring on the next one!

Which brings me to the subject of today’s blog entry – affirmations.

I don’t usually get anything out of affirmations. I know they work for lots of people, but if I stand in front of a mirror and say ‘I am happy with my body’ straight away my body says ‘no you’re bloody not!’ Another one my partner likes goes something like ‘I have everything I want right now and I will always have everything I want.’ I just want to slap him when he says things like that. In spite of that, I asked him to help me write some affirmations. I think maybe affirmations are the self-talk that you should be doing, rather than the negative stuff that comes more easily, the trouble is I’m always so down on myself, so I asked my partner to help. We ended up having an arguement, which is why I’m writing my blog at three in the morning! We did argue, but I thought a lot about what he said.

He asked me what my strengths are and I couldn’t think of any. He asked me what my weaknesses were and I couldn’t think of any. Well, none I could actually say out loud anyway. He thought I took myself for granted. Maybe I do. I just do things and take it for granted that I’ll do them, because not doing them simply isn’t an option so I don’t see it as a particular strength or weakness. Maybe I should change that. I said that a friend had thought my doing the RNLI speech even though I was ill showed a lot of character. My partner agreed then asked me if I always look to others for affirmation. I think that’s true. After every Guildford Speakers meeting I’ll ask Doug if he thinks I did a good job. I always look for encouragement from the musical director of my chorus that I’m sounding good – being the only tenor I struggle with my confidence a lot.

I don’t know how to change that. I think I need to change it, but I’m not sure how to. I think it’s okay to seek the approval of others, but it shouldn’t be your sole source of validation of yourself as a decent, successful person.

January has been a month of seeking quiet time to reflect on the past year and allow myself to dream about the year to come. I think February will be the month in which I have to find the strength to be really honest with myself and make the changes I say I want to make.

Being a better speaker

Vanessa King — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 12:19:48 +0000

I love Seth’s blog, I get a short, sweet email usually once a day and there’s great stuff to think about. This time I wanted to share two posts which I think will be useful to my speaker friends, one to think about what you say and another to think about how you say it – two fairly fundamental aspects of speaking I would think!

The TED imperatives

Be interested.
Be generous.
Be interesting.
Connect.

In that order. If all you can do is repeat cocktail party banalities about yourself, don’t come. If all you’re hoping for is to get more than you give, the annual event is not worth your time. If you’re not confident enough to share what you’re afraid of and what’s not working, you’re cheating yourself (and us).

These aren’t just principles for TED, of course. They’re valid guidelines for any time you choose to stop hiding and step out into the world. It would be fabulous if people who were willing to commit to these four simple ideas had a special hat or a pin they could wear. Then we wouldn’t have to waste our time while looking for those who care about their work and those around them.

[TED is a conference that started small, got big and then spawned more than a thousand local versions. Mostly, it's a culture of connecting interesting ideas and the people who have the guts to share them. Sometimes people at TED even follow these imperatives].

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Your voice will give you away

It’s extremely difficult to read a speech and sound as if you mean it.

For most of us, when reading, posture changes, the throat tightens and people can tell. Reading is different from speaking, and a different sort of attention is paid.

Before you give a speech, then, you must do one of two things if your goal is to persuade:

Learn to read the same way you speak (unlikely)

or, learn to speak without reading. Learn your message well enough that you can communicate it without reading it. We want your humanity.

If you can’t do that, don’t bother giving a speech. Just send everyone a memo and save time and stress for all concerned.

Must Watch You Tube Videos

Vanessa King — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 22:37:13 +0000

Watching a BBC documentary about science on television, I’m prompted to put a short list together of video clips I really want to watch but haven’t got time to right now. What would be on your must-see list?

Richard Feynman, easily the most inspiring physicist ever:

A realistic documentary about what would happen if a nuclear bomb was released over southern England. Made in 1965 but considered too hard-hitting at the time, it wasn’t broadcast by the BBC until 1985…

A 1983 American version of The War Game…

And if you haven’t seen it, On the Beach is a fantastic movie, either the 1959 original or the 2000 remake. Actually, the book is best, by Neville Shute.

4 quick ways to review that talk you just gave

Vanessa King — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 22:00:09 +0000

The Eloquent Woman is a wonderful blog, giving tips and suggestions for how women can improve their public speaking skills. I particularly enjoy their regular feature Famous Speech Friday – I really recommend you check it out. Today I would like to share with you an article giving you 4 quick ways you can evaluate your owns speeches.

Think about how you feel. What did you notice about your audience while you were speaking? What were you thinking when something when wrong? What did you hear after the speech in terms of feedback? Read the full article here.